My mother was the master of walking into the grocery store to buy food for dinner and walking out with 5 new friends. I inherited that trait.

While some say I make it look easy, there are times when I have to hold my head high, smile and keep moving. I came across these “truths” from Neil Strauss for dealing with social anxiety and realized that not all were blessed with a mother that embarrassed them for the first 18 years of their life. Or more.

The “gift” I acquired from my mother is not a quintessential part of who I am, like it was for her, and I will be the first to admit that number 6 on the list (see below) is dead on. And 1, and 2, and 3 and…even for the seasoned veteran of talking to strangers. There is always a moment of uncertainty, so being “learning dependent”, as number 5 explains, has taken me farther in life than any other trait. Well, maybe a good smile and some flirting did get me through Customs in Germany with contraband meat in my luggage…

Asking questions about the other person and truly being interested in their story has been the best asset in meeting folks and even in my own personal relationships.

And remember, if someone’s story is boring, politely remind them that you need to finish shopping for dinner because your are STAHRVING DAHRLING.

Thank you Mr. Strauss for the reminder for some and lesson for most:
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THE TEN TRUTHS TO OVERCOMING SOCIAL ANXIETY

1. No one is watching you approach and judging you for it. They are just as worried about being judged and criticized as you are.
2. Don't worry if you're shy or nervous when approaching; people will be nicer to you because of it.
3. Let go of your outcome, whether it's a phone number or social validation. If you want nothing out of the interaction other than to speak to someone else, you have a 100 percent chance of succeeding as soon as you utter something.
4. A rejection is not a comment on who you are as a person. It is simply feedback on something you did.
5. Instead of being outcome dependent, be learning dependent
6. No one will say anything as insulting, mean, and cruel about you as the things you tell yourself.
7. Know that wherever you go, you are accepted. And if you don't know it yet, then act as if it’s true until experience proves it.
8. More people than you could possibly imagine are looking to meet someone just like you.
9. The only failure is not approaching. Because the pain and disappointment of letting yourself down is much greater than anything someone else can say.
10. And, finally…life is more fun when you open your mouth!
    This may be one of the easiest and quickest way to improve your life.

 
CREDIT:  Neil Strauss 2016
http://www.neilstrauss.com/neil/overcome_social_anxiety/

Quick update: our new friend from yesterday came down from the overpass after 15 long hours. He had the support of family, friends and strangers in his struggle on the edge of life or death. Reports say the crowd even sang hymns to help him in his time of need. What if we all had that much compassion daily?


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As I type this, there is a man precariously hanging onto the side of a chain link fence above a freeway. He is less than a mile from my location. It's evening and he's been hanging on since 5:30 this morning.

As I drove towards the overpass to get on the freeway at 7am, I was detoured by police for no apparent reason. I couldn't see the man on the other side of the bridge fencing and his presence was still invisible upon my arrival back in town later that day. Reports say his family members are there attempting to talk him off the ledge to no avail. Onlookers watch and film on their cell phones devoid of emotion for the man, hoping for some viral YouTube video. Hours after the showdown began in my city, an unnamed woman walked onto the campus of the YouTube headquarters and showered bullets on employees before turning the gun on herself.

It was not a night for shopping or merriment but I found myself forced into stores less than a mile from the man on the bridge for various reasons. Upon questioning employees as to the occurrence, I found strangers wearing their hearts on their sleeves for some unknown fellow neighbor.  I drove home in awe of the love felt for this man. If he only knew of the love that was being sent out to him from folks who had never met him and probably never would.

We can only surmise as to what brought him to that overpass. Scorned love, loss of employment, mental disorder, feeling that everything was out of control and overwhelming and on and on. We'll never know but what we do know is the love that accompanied his single act. The love from strangers willing him to come down. Think of the change we could enact if we could put aside our problems for just a moment and send that love to those in need. Or if we could turn that love inwards upon ourselves.

I saw a community tonight that had a lot of caring and love for a single human being. I witnessed a humanity that isn't the scary monster the media turns us into. We have it in us to enact change and be the love that we and others so desperately need. What small loving act can you do today for yourself or someone else? 

Say "Hello" to Daisy the Dog. She's my roommate for the weekend and since the theme lately has revolved around summer, the old phrase "The Dog Days of Summer" come to mind. I imagine dogs laying around panting, paralyzed by the heat, and always related the saying to those suffocatingly hot days that wrap around you like a cocoon until relief can be found.

I was wrong.

The "dog days" of summer started with the ancient Greeks and Romans and refer to the time of year when the star Sirius, the brightest star in the sky, rose just prior to the sun. This is known as a heliacal rising where the star appears to be rising with the sun. This period lasted through July and August and the ancients related this time to heat, drought, plagues and madness. None of the said disasters are related to Sirius; the time frame in which the star rose just happened to coincide with one of the hottest times of the year. Most notably, the ancient Romans thought Sirius contributed to the heat of the sun due to it's brightness in the sky. (Remember, the ancient skies were not obscured by artificial light.)

As time goes by, the "dog days of summer" will become the "dog days of winter".  The Earth's rotation "wobbles", which shifts the position of the stars in the sky overtime. "Dog days" are now about 2 weeks behind the calendar date they were thousands of years ago and will fall in the middle of winter in about 10,000 years due to the rotational wobble.

On rare occasion, I walk around the corner and swim at the gym. I seem to encounter the gardener for the building across the street more often than not on my walk. I always say “Hello”, often commenting on his late hours. We occasional chat and over time I eventually get up enough nerve to ask him to be my gardener.
 
Nope.
 
I’m defeated like a lost lover but I’ll take my blows as they come.
 
I still say “Hello” when I see him.
 
One day I notice he’s in a walking boot which is a medical device to aid your ability to walk when a foot injury has occurred. We’ve built up enough of a “Hello” relationship that I walk over and check in on him. The discussion goes beyond gardening.
 
He then disappears for a long time.
 
I finally see him tonight and yell “Hi!” from across the driveway. He’s walking, with a slight limp, but walking and we meet to talk. He notices my front yard looks good and I explain that I fired the horrible guy I picked up “cheap” and found a new gardener who is overcharging (in my book) but doing a fabulous job so maybe isn’t overcharging? He asks if the new gardener has fertilized. I have no idea but it sparks a conversation about watering.
 
“Exactly how long and when do you water your lawn?”, I ask.

Suddenly I’m getting a tutorial on how to use my sprinkler control panel, which I know how to use BUT I don’t say anything because he’s GIVING. Next thing I know we are watching one of my sprinkler heads not rising, which the new gardener had also noticed, but did nothing about. He reaches down, tugs and voila!, it pops up and works. The new gardener would have charged me. Out of the kindness of his heart, my new friend from across the street helped out for free.
 
We simply never know where the next act of kindness will come from, even if it’s from our simply saying “Hello”.  When can you make 5 seconds to smile and say "Hello" to someone?

This year, I decided to grow corn. Yes, corn. In my backyard, nevertheless, and with no knowledge of what to do other than amend the soil, plant the seeds, water and pray. I hate to admit that I'm not the best gardener but there, I've just said it.  The corn has taken me by surprise though. It's not only growing, but it's following a certain growth pattern. It turns out the stalks and leaves have easily measurable growth rates that even a child could discern! Then again, the rest of my garden has been decimated by roly polys (who knew those cute little round balls could turn into your worst enemy?) so I actually think there may be some divine intervention at work. Either way, I've become fascinated by the growth cycle of the stalks as they mature, which in turn reminded me there are specific growth cycles that we can measure against most things in this world.

Pregnancy came to mind.

Welcome to my brain, it's kind of strange sometimes. 

My sister experienced pregnancy twice. As a result, I have a niece and nephew whom I'll be seeing next week for summer break. This is where gratitude arrives. I am so grateful for the two of them and the chance to spend time with them. When I ask people "What are you grateful for?", I usually get a blank stare and have to prompt them with some things they can be grateful for. It seems that most of us don't take enough time to think about the little things that make us happy, or the big ones, like pregnancy and the gift of life.

We could use the beginning of summer to set some new goals, but let's keep it easy today:

What are you grateful for? 

(I'm grateful my garage door was fixed today for less than the original quote, for the corn growing in my backyard, for my niece and nephew, for my sister who gave birth to those awesome kids, and for my colleague who pushes me to get off my butt and do "all the things"...)

Your turn!

Happy Summer of Gratitude! 

With niece and nephew, Kate & Ben, during the summer.

My calendar advised me that tomorrow is the first day of Summer. I sat in my office and cliched it "What have I done with my life this year?" 

Nothing came to mind. The phone rang. I moved on. 

But then I noticed the calendar again. And again. And yet again. Okay I'm game, what HAVE I done? At first, nothing came to mind. Looking back at January 1st I realized maybe I needed to give myself more credit:

• New Years Day: left a relationship where most of my needs were not being met.

(I love this guy, this is not easy.)

• Started this blog. 

(There are a million of them so how is this going to work?)

• Started writing a book.

(Where do I even start? How do you write a book?)

• Stopped thinking about saving money and looked at all of the unnecessary expenses.

(Yes wine is unnecessary and so are Odwalla chocolate protein shakes) 

• Finally completing all of the house items that have conveniently been ignored.

(Stop lying to yourself. The gutters won't last another rainy season and didn't make it through the last one.)

• Added more exercise to my weekly routine

(Surprisingly this is a perk of my week.)

If all of this seems like a lot then I can tell you it feels like a lot. My carefree life of freedom is now one of endless "keep going". The contradiction in the life of freedom vs one of progress is that the rewards are less than the life of progress. My fulfillment level has risen along with my self esteem. Admittedly I'm often lost in this new world with no clear end result in sight but the learning and rewards along the way have been phenomenal. 

​What have you done this year?